Doubt is everywhere.
In 2008, the film, Doubt, with Meryl Streep as a Catholic sister, generated 5 Oscar nominations. It is a story of a faithful sister who wrestled with the poison of doubt in the church and in her heart.
More dramatically, doubt has a major supporting role in our news and infotainment enterprises both personal and corporate: Vaccines, moon landing, government cover-up, General Assembly actions, global warming, health cures, additives that poison. “Is your tap water killing you, story at 11.”
Doubt has a noble calling, some say all scientific or even all progress is based on doubt. Of testing and seeking truth in the physical world or even the spiritual realm.
Doubt can be life or death, freedom or captivity, justice or travesty. Criminal convictions must be beyond a reasonable doubt. Not just a preponderance of the evidence or the high probability of guilt, but a level of sureness that is beyond a reasonable doubt. Doubt that a glove fit, is enough to save a man from conviction of a double murder.
Doubt in our scripture is between fear and faith. Fear is backing away, resisting or fighting. Faith is trusting, going forwards, taking a leap out of the boat, a way of life. Doubt is the “maybe” between the “no” of fear and the “yes” of faith. The word is rooted in betweeness. It is based on “two”. Dual, double, doubt. Contradiction, pulled between two things, two things that cannot be together are held together by confusion. Doubt is in the terms “jumbo shrimp”, “square circle”, or “short sermon”.
Our scripture is doubt full. Is it Jesus or a ghost? Can’t be both living and dead, friend and fiend. Then the whole walking on water, it is either water or walking, not both. I doubt it.
In our scientific world, when faced with doubt, we want to banish it with knowledge. To decide one way or the other, to cut to the truth. From the Garden of Eden on, we experiment to find what is true.
In computer world, we have a test for unsureness, an if-then test. If X then Do Y. Peter programmer tries this: IF you are The Lord, THEN have ME walk on water. Prove it to me, make my truth, eliminate my doubt, perform my test, make me a miracle.
Don’t get distracted at this step. This isn’t about walking on water, fear of the storm, keeping your eyes on Jesus, faith giving you supernatural powers. Those are good sermons but for another day.
Miracles are distracting. Let’s not be distracted here. Did you know the Gospel of John has no miracles? Every mighty work that is miracle in the other gospels, is called a “sign”. They are only there to reveal God. I like that. Signs, not miracles.
Ever been to a national park? Around here there may be towering mountains of the toughest granite in the world, soaring into the heavens, evidence of mile high glacier…stunning. And down at our level, next to the parking spaces, is a sign. Maybe 4ft x 4ft. People stand before the valley, lake, and mountain and take pictures of the sign.
I think we do the same thing with miracles. We are like a tourist marveling over the font choice, the prose, the information, the quality of the metal, discussing the meaning and importance of the sign in our lives. We get into arguments about what the sign really means. We get mad at each other over various sign reading and split off, because that reading of the sign isn’t keeping with the historic understandings of the sign. We tell people that other signs are no good, not to be trusted, come and look at our sign which it is SO much better and a true experience.
What difference does the sign make to the mountain? With None of the Above quickly growing as a religious choice, now 1 in 3 among the youngest adults, but growing throughout our culture according to the Pew Research Center: Christianity has declined about 8% while unaffiliated grew by almost 7% between 2007 and 20014. Yet the questions were about denominations and organized churches, not spiritual interest or practice. This is promised in a future study. I wonder how many people are telling us to get out of the way with our signs, they want to go directly to the mountain?
Moving the miracle out of the way, looking at what the sign is directing us to, we pick up Peter in the midst of sinking, where he says “Lord, Save Me!” Note there is no “IF you are The Lord, THEN save me” there is not “IF you are The Lord, THEN put me back in the boat, or on the land and I will then be able to fully resolve the truth of the matter of your Saviorness.” No, Peter moves from sinking to saving - from being of two minds to a single heart. Lord, Save Me.
Jesus knows this change, he calls Peter “LittleFaith” it is one word in the Greek, like we would say, “Goofball” which is not the same as saying “spherical object with a irregular shape.” It is not about the faith, but a nickname gently mocking his being between fear and faith: Silly Peter, Why did you doubt? Why were you of two minds? Why are you testing instead of trusting?
I can walk on water sometimes. We all do in Ohio we call it “ice skating”. Maybe you can too. But this scripture is about doing triple axles on a lake, it isn’t about getting out of the boat in faith, it isn’t about keeping your eyes on Jesus and not minding the storms of life. We are not looking for superpowers for the next Marvel action film. Don’t fill your spiritual photo album with pictures of the sign and miss the mountain. It is about moving out of the in between of faith and fear we live so much of life in, the doubt zone. The maybeness that paralyzes and keeps us from taking a stand against the wind, keeps us from staying in the boat with our fellow disciples, keeps us arguing over signs instead of going to the mountain top where our dreams and God’s dreams for us meet. The maybeness the IF-THENs experiments and tentative, conditional allegiance that we set up which keep us from being saved by Jesus.
You know there is another computer command. In addition to IF THEN there is a statement called an unconditional branch statement. It always moves program execution to the destination, it is GOTO. Put away the IF this THEN Jesus. GOTO Jesus. Trust unconditionally the path that starts with the first step of faith: “Lord Save Me.”
22Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. 25And early in the morning he came walking toward them on the sea. 26But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear. 27But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” 28Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. 30But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”